HeiLeeN DiaRY

2011 is going to end

2011-12-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry i didn't update this blog anymore.. do you know the reason? its because my blackberry phone cant load this site well... and i hardly online from computer like year before.. i hope u can undeerstand it.. :)
tomorrow is the end of this 5th semester in catholic senior high school.. i hope i have great mark in the report card... wkwkwk.. this semester a lot of thing happen with me: silly, sad ,and joy.. i think it will be unforgetable.. but that sweet enoughfor me...
i bet the next semester will be hard for me because in the end of this semester i have some conflict with the teacher.. yeah, she is so greedy for sure.. my osis fee is lost because of her, i think its all her fault and of course im not going to quiet and pay again, but i still give money wih strength while cry (yeah im sad, stressed out that time), she went away and i chase her then she rudely say i will pay it for u ... wth!! its what she done and of course she must be responsible for it.. and i'm gonna meet her next semester in extra class.. fiuh~ can i just skip her classes? anyway in fact she really can't teach us well..
let's change topic.. i'm going to jakarta and bandung this holiday.. i hope it will be fun.. i will take flight at sunday, 18 december 2011.. yeah, i dont know when i comeback to this town, but i definitely will back.. hahaha
Trans studio i'm coming!!!
signed off,
hellen195<3

Busy Holidays!

2011-04-19T17:42:00.001+08:00

Hello!
Long time no see..
Are u okay? I think you are perfectly fine..
So how was it? Everything doing fine? I hope so..
I had so many things to do..
Now, I'm in holiday but I must go to school like everyday for biology olimpiad..
Wth! Hahaha
And I haven't do my proposal papers.. (╥﹏╥) see how unorganize I am..
Can't watch it..
And after holiday I have chemist, math, and phyics test..
‎węēώ, such a perfect holidays!
Its not holiday to me, it's more like suffering time..
I hope I can go through everythings perfectly..
Finish my proposal, join the Biology olympiad, and pass all the test :)
Gotta work hard!
Jia you!
Good luck for all!

Signed off,
Hellen195

sick!

2011-03-08T20:45:00.000+08:00

huh! i'm getting sick now.. my throat hurts.. and i feel my head start burning..
i'm not feeling well at all.. i also lost my voice.. T.T
such a ironic, tomorrow i have holiday but i can't do anything because of this..
my school have many competition these month..
and seems like we had good result in every competition..
of course, no more compt for me..
i really tired.. i already reach my limits..
evan joined pekan fisika yesterday.. but seem his team didn't pass the test..
but, there also two other group from our school who pass to next step..
and today, i hear dustin and evan will join english debate..
that was a good news.. wishing them the best..
i believe they are talented.. they will winning those competition again..
Go!VanLenTin!
sadly, i can't see them debate.. haha it will be fun to see their stupid actions..haha
they will focusing their self on those competition,
and i will be more serious in my study..
i will have mid-test these weeks..
i hope can pass it with good result..

enough with all, i need rest now..
wish me get better soon..

signed off,
hellen195

VanLenTin is the best!

2011-02-27T15:39:00.000+08:00

Do you remember about my last post?
we decided to give up in scientific papers project, aren't it?
such as irony, in that day i'm hardly do that project.
its all because my teacher keep ask about the project..
im forcefully do those..
friday, 11 febuary 2011 is the last day to send this project..
we already send our formulir for the 'cerdas cermat' but our form for scientific paper project was left behind.. stupid evan and dustin! how can they bring other team form but not ours?? they want to make my work become useless, arent they?
im success finish it on time.. before 4.00 p.m..
but because it still havent get legalization from the headmaster, so we cant send this in that day..
im feel sorry and also thankful to "akuang" who send our formulir until afternoon..
the next day..
saturday, 12 febuary 2011
akuang promised the committee to send the project before 8.00 a.m
but, the headmaster arent at school that day.. and i had something to repair with this project.. so, we aren't on time..
evan and alvin send this around 11.00 a.m
fortunately, we aren't disqualification because late..

we all have one week relaxed to wait till the result..
they are choosing 6 finalis to presentation their project..

Friday, 18 Febuary 2011
the day of 6 finalis announced..
i'm really curious..
but not dare hope to high.. because our work is one daynight work.. wont win against them..
im online immediately after back to home..
nothing change on the official blog..
waiting for a while, and suddenlly fall a sleep..
im open the site again straight after wake up.. its about 6.00 p.m
still same.. no announcement at all..
i think it wouldnt announced on that day..
at night, around 8.00 p.m
i opened the site..
the site have changed.. im read it slowly.. feel so curious..
and do u know what?
our school name on the last position in 6 finalist..
we are sending two team to this competition..
but, the title of project "PENGOLAHAN LIMBAH CAIR TAHU TEMPE DALAM PENINGKATAN KUALITAS HIDUP MASYARAKAT KALTIM" was ours..
definitely ours!!
im shocked!! not knowing whether to be sad or happy..
the first time feel my hard work have price not useless..
i'm immediately tell my mom who in her room about this..
next, i message both evan and dustin about our victory!
they are still confused, not believe what we gain..
yeah, we are going to final..
that rocks!
then again, another problem come..
we havent prepare anything for the presentation..
evan and dustin still not read our project at all..
powerpoint is what we need to do that time!
and no one of us can make it..

saturday, 19 febuary 2011
so many congratulation from schoolmate that day..
our teacher guidance give us congrats too..
she ask us to finish the ppt that day..
what a crazy thing!
evan cant because he must take course! huh! really that boy!
i force dustin to do it with me..
but, i think we arent do many things..
he arent serious at all.. keep focus with his blackberry..
at least we finish the rough ppt that day..
after he back home, i make ppt again..
i was so tired.. my energy drained that time..
and still not complete the presentation..
i choose to sleep not force my self again..

Sunday, 20 febuary 2011
technical meeting day..
i take time to print the project for evan and dustin to read and learn..
and also making final touch to presentation..
after technical meeting, we supposed to try presentation..
but, no one bring laptop.. so, we cancled it.. my ppt also not 100% done that time..
around 6.00 p.m i finally had 100% done with ppt..
feel a little relieved..
but then again, i dont know what i must do that time..
learn for tomorrow cck or the next day presentation..
my teacher said she want us to presentation in front of the headmaster and indonesian language teacher after back from competition..
confused!tired! im sleep again..

Monday, 21 febuary 2011
i wake up super early to learn chemistry for a while then again presentation..
go to school around 6.45
evan wake up late that day.. make us panic! and our guid teacher also not come on time..
fortunately we come on time.. have registration, join chemist fun days opening, chemistry quiz, and wait till the result out..
150 minutres of quiz, 100 number of question..
do you know how suffering i am that time..
i don't even understand the question abd there's no table at all..
really sucks!
im very lazy after those 2,5 hours quiz..
wait the result till 5 o' clock
im sure we wont make this..
and of course we are shock again see we are almost in the bottom position..
cant blame anyone, we arent prepare well for that day quiz..
the other team from our school get 23rd position.. im happy for them!
thats already good..
that time i really feel sorry to dustin.. seeing his exspression this time i know he is really disappointed with the result.. but, what can i do? let what have passed just past.. i just pretend like dont know how hurt he is.. you already do your best, friend..
we still have next chance, ok? we will take revenge from this year result.. :D dont be sad, it already passed!
we are back to school, akuang lose his helmet,while dustin helmet was locked in class..
hahaha!thats funny..
the other back to their home and have freedom..
while, i, evan, and dustin must prepare for tomorrow presentation..
in the laboratory, i was bitten by mosquito.. my legs become red..
we are practice till 6.00 and have evening lunch after that..
back to home, i plan to practice till morning since i was the one who presentation this project later..
but, what can i do? i already weak.. 12 hours non stop do many things..
chat a while with dustin.. he give me support.. and also jokes..
he said our teacher also lost her home key.. hahaha!
such as weird day.. everyone lose their things...
not wanting to disappoint anyone again, i tried my best to practice till 11.00 p.m
im dead tired.. planned to continue practice at 3.00 a.m
but, who know im sleeping like pig...

tuesday, 22 Febuary 2011
i awake just turn off my alarm and continue sleep again.. wake up at 5.00.. prepare and print the ppt.. we promised to arrive at school bfore 6.30
i was the one who come late.. my printer really sucks! blame it! hahaha!
we must registration before 7.30..
and we start go to unmul at 7.05.. luckily, we arrived here 5 minutes right before the regristration closed..
evan draw presentation numbers while me coipying the data to their notebook..
we are only have two choise.. 2 or 5
and we get number 2..
wew! that aren't good.. but, dustin prediction really right.. he ever said we will get number 2 for presentation the day before...
we are entering the auditorium without guidance teacher.,. just the three of us, no supporter..
sma vidatra bontang presentation really good..
that give us a little pressure.. i was very afraid..
both dustin and evan keep support me.. they said:do not be nervous, do not panicky, do not be afraid, be confident..
with all the spirit i success chase away my afraidness..
we are start entering the podium..
giving short introduction.. the first bell rang..
i start our presentation.. 8 minutes go away, the second bell rang..
it still some page before the ending, i increase my speed... a little panick..
and finally we are reaching the end of show a minutes before the third bell rang..
30 other minutes, the jury start give us question..we arent mastery this topic..
dont know what to answer.. we just keep showing our solidarity, discuss about every single question.. even the most simple one.. hahaha! stupid me!
many funny things happen during the presentation..
40 minutes end, we back to our chair...
really relieved, happilly laughing with each other..
doesnt care about others presentation..
we already finish our mission..
dustin made prediction again, he said we will be in third position..
im not believe him, i said if we can be in 5th position already made me happy..
waiting the result we are go away for a while..
the result coming out soon,
they start from the third place..
when they said"pengolahan.."
we know it sure it was us.. evan immediately update his status..
we are shake hands with each other.. we get 1045 points..
how happy we are this time.. bring the victory to our school..
we celebrate it with tofu and tempeh..

23 Febuary 2011
schooling like normal.. but i dont get the feel of schooling..
the teacher becomes weird to me..
i feel it awkward..

Thursday, 24 Febuary 2011
we planned to go at 12.30..
but, who know the schedul had changed..
the event was in 11.00
i know it at 9.00 a.m
hardly contacting everyone..
we arrive at school 11.00 and still not go to unmul..
late of course! luckily, they wait for us a while..
evan come late and didnt get photo at first..
but at least he came before the event end..
we are back to school bring the trophy, money, and one heart souvenir from honda...
end of story!

i was supposed to write this out long time ago..
but, i didnt have time to write..
today, i force my self to write out all i want to write.. hahaha!

Go!VanLenTin!
we are rocks!
i wish we can be together again in next competition again!
dustin and evan already like brother to me.. supporting me go through those hard times.. :)

special thanks to evan and dustin!
thanks to:
Bu Albertha, Pak Benny, Pak Abbas, Bu Rita, and all the teachers..
Akuang,Sherly,Inggerit,Lenny,Meli, and Devi..
last but not least Jonathan for the idea..

After all, thanks to everyone supports!

Samarinda, 27 Febuary 2011
signed off,

hellen195

Happy Chinese New Year

2011-02-10T07:49:00.001+08:00

Hello! Its about two weeks since last post..
I'm rarely have time to update this blog..
There is good and bad thing happens in this chinese new year..
Ok, just talk about the good thing..
Many of my friends come to my home this year..
Of course I'm happy.. Hahaha
Happy chinese new year

The day of competition come more near now..
I think we still not prepare well to this competition..
And VanLenTin finally give up in the scientific paper projects..
I unable to do the "telaah pustaka"
So we decided to give up..
My hard work be come useless.. *sigh*

Ok we will bring the best for the competition..

That's all for now..
I will be back later! ^.~

Signed off,
Hellen195

hy! hy!

2011-01-21T13:29:00.002+08:00

Hello my readers! I'm finally back.. :D seem like I've lost my lovely readers.. :'-(
So many things happen these days..
Can't write about it now..
I'm really tired..
The good news is I will join "cerdas cermat" this febuary..
Hahayy!
Ok that's all for todayy..

Signed off,
Hellen195

I'm sick!

2010-12-16T13:43:00.001+08:00

Feeling weak..
And had injection just now..
I had complicated between flu, cough, and throat disease..
I'm really weak.. Not have enoiugh energy to do activity..
Let me rest for a while..
And wish me be healthy after that..

SiGned off,
Hellen195

the fourth day

2010-12-04T07:17:00.001+08:00

Oh yeah..
I'm still ok till this time..
But I'm not sure with the result..
I hope I can pass all of the test with nice score! :)
It still 4 hours more before the test..
Gonna prepare my self for today test..
Information and chinese language, I must ccan do both of it :)
Yay!
Wish me good luck y!

Signed off,
Hellen195

THe examination

2010-12-01T07:38:00.002+08:00

I'm not prepare well for today exam..
It seem can't enter my brain..
I don't know why I can't concentrate..
4 hours more before the exam..
I want to study again..
Wish me good luck y!

Signed off,
Hellen195♥

End of November

2010-11-30T08:32:00.002+08:00

Ehmm..
Today is the last day of november..
Actually, I'm not really like this month.. But I'm still ok with it.. ☺♒ђåª•ђåª•ђåª♒☺
I wonder who is my secret follower..
Please leave comment, eventhough using annonymous name..That's no problem with it..
I'm not that smart can guess who you are.. •◦"̮ ωk˘⌣˘ωk˘з˘ωk^⌣^ωk "̮◦•
November such a tired month..
When I face everything alone.. Because, I can't depend on someone like I used to do.. I'm really² miss that person..
I won't forget the way you make me smile..
I hope I can be with u again next month :)

Tomorrow the war begin, I hope can win this war easily.. ••"̮Hã Hã Hã"̮••. I must focus these day..
Bring out my best.. And won't let anyone win against me! Come on! Let's Fight!!! Gogogogo!

And lastly,
♥◦°˚˚°☀‧::‧☀☺Ħåρργ β'dåγ ☺☀‧::‧☀°˚˚°◦♥
To all Scorpions who born in november..
Wishing u healthy, lucky, and happy always :D
To someone: I had prepared gift for you, but not give you till this time.. I will give it to you one day..
Just wait till that day come..

Todays retweet:
In the short time that me and you were with each other so much happened that has changed me. it's unbelievable. #TTQ
If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go. -Elvis Presley #ihatequotes
Every time you walked out that door I start missing you, I wish I didn't need you this much. But I can't help it.#whatisayTW
There is always a girl who loves her guy a lot even she knows that he is not suit for her. #TWIT
We fight like a married couple, talk like best friends, flirt like 1st loves & protect each other like siblings. Face it, we're meant to be. #LoveQuotesx
hey you, we don't talk anymore. and you know what the saddest part is? we used to talk everyday #DiaryOfTeen
A part of you has grown in me. We're always together & never be apart. Maybe in distance, but never in heart. #SLT
I hope you see my twitter and read all of my tweets. And notice, everything's only about you. #SLT

Signed off,
Hellen195

Once In a While

2010-11-28T23:16:00.001+08:00

Yeah! I only post on my blog once in a while..
I'm really busy these dayy.. Having bunch of task.. And none from its done..
I'm stressed out.. I'm ηєνєя predict my self will busy like that.. But I don't regret my decision being in nature class., yeah that's my life!
Exam will start on 1 december which is two days more.. Wish me good luck y!
I will bring out the bestt!
Jia you!

Signed off,
Hellen195

heyyy!! I'm backk!

2010-11-19T22:21:00.000+08:00

Hello! Do u miss me?? I hope u do.. •◦"̮ ωk˘⌣˘ωk˘з˘ωk^⌣^ωk "̮◦•
Long time no write here..
It because I have no internet connection anymore at home n change my phone into .. Using  web browser really hard to open bloger.. It make my phone loading.. So, I didn't write as well as I do..
Yeah, more than one month.. My english become suck.. You can see it now.. Really really bad.. N my  didn't have dictonary like my N70 do.. I miss my N70.. And now, I'm write from opera 5 from blackberry.. It really easy to use.. So, I might update more active in this blog again..

Tomorrow, I have chinese and mathematic test.. I hope I can do both of it well.. Good luck for my self.. The semester test will start on desember 1st.. And I still not prepare my self for it.. Oh noo!! I'm going crazy in those weeks.. :(

Signed off,
Hellen195

I Hate Today Very Much :(

2010-10-15T12:42:00.001+08:00

Saying truth, I really hate today..
Don't ask why bcause I will let u know if i want to..
I'm act weird these day..
The people around really annoying..
Especially for today, I get angry without reason..
N no one knowing I was mad..
So weirddd..
N now I catch cold..
Sneezing all the time..
I hateeee, reallllyyyy hateeee!!
The unexplaineddd felll...
Really hurtsss
I wnt to back home early but ayt the end I still in the school till now..
I'm sure I will cry when alone in my room todayyy!
I hate today!
I hate u!

Signed off,
Hellen195

new cellphone

2010-10-10T00:24:00.001+08:00

I get blackberry today..
It was curve 8520..
I still not functioning it well..
I enjoy my N70 more..

Gud nite

Signed off,

Hellen195

I had so many Brother ^,^

2010-10-07T15:43:00.000+08:00

If u suddenly having many so called brother, what will u do? Haha.. a little happy of course.. They are very weird call me as little sister.. Sometime they call me "me2 Herlen" but most of time they like creating nickname it was "me2 *****" one of the boys name.. I don't know where they get that stupid idea..
It make me like i was their real little sister..Now, i'm understand the feel of being youngest.. Actually, it really fun.. Have many brother around who always tease n prank you.. Haha

Actually, i confuse what they get by spread rumour about us.. Is it really fun?? So weird..
I just take it as joke n laugh along with them..
Hoping this warm laugh can be longer.. Because i'm afraid we will be separate again in 3 days..

I'm currently having around 7 big brother in my class.. There are 11 boy in my class.. 7 of 11, is it amazing?I think it almost amazing.. Why not all of them call me sister too? N the one who they said supposed to be my brother isn't call me as sister.. U see, how weird they are? It's more like i'm not his sister but theirs.. But because of he doesnt call me as sister along with them i become supicious, am it real like what they said? There are feel/something between us.. @.@ for the other i'm not familiar with them so the wont supposed to call me sister too..

Signed off,
hellen195

Rainy day :)

2010-10-04T19:25:00.000+08:00

Hahaha!
The teacher seem to be late.. We are free to do anything..
Oh yeah, today our home teacher have birthday.. Wishing her all d'best..
Although sometime we are dislike her but actually we know she just want us to improve.. The target just too hard to reach..

Signed off,
hellen195

Bye" September!

2010-09-30T23:46:00.000+08:00

Good bye my birthday!
It was the warm n sweet month.. Haha!
I love it..
Full of laugh..
But sadly, My 1st wish didnt come true..
N i havent make the 2nd n 3rd wish..
Okay, nite everyone :)

signed off,
hellen195

I'm so embrassed :"(

2010-09-29T01:33:00.002+08:00

Huaaa!
The boys really annoying..
But i can't hate them since they are already like my relative..
Everyday they set me together with one boy in my class.. Since i sit behind that person and get surrounded with the boys, i had no more peaceful day, they will came and tease me with that boy.. But at least it's better than suffer like the first time i sit in front of class with someone i dislike at all, now i can laugh when they tease us..
It's not because i'm happy being teased but because seeing their childishness to put up the two of us together.. Sometime they make funny joke which make me can't help to not laugh along, although the joke mostly about my self and that person..Haha!
But today i really embrassed.. Yeah, it's true i shouldnt get embrassed since i already get used being tease with that boy..
It because Most of time I just think it as joke, i'm never serious to such thing.. Thats why i never response what they said about us but only laugh along with them at their joke.. Only him who try to prove what they said aren't true.. I know no matter how hard we argue they will still like this.. So, theres no point to argue with them.. The most important is we clearly know there are nothing between us at all.. The other opinion aren't matter to me..

Today i spin the book like all the boys do.. And then the teacher said out loud that i am joining the boys weird habit.. Of course it make me feel awkward and embrassed.. Moreover, the other boys said it was that boy who teach me to do that.. In fact, he never teach me such thing n i not spin the book because of him or anyone.. I just got nothing to do n spin the book seem more good than sleep in the class, at least it can train and improve your concentrate..
Then, the teacher look at that boy with unusual face.. WTH was the teacher think! It's all because the teacher is my computer guide in olympic so he give me more attention.. And that time i was really embrassed coz all of them.. I feel my blood heat up n get hot inside.. I'm sure i was blushing badly that time.. Oh yeah, i'm still girl after all who can simply blushing..

Sometime i feel they are already too over.. Actually i was get angry too, i just dont want to express it n hide it behind my smile..
You can tease everyone, but it also have limit.. When you already over you will mess everything up..
There just two possible thing if you get put up together with someone most of the time:
1. It can make wall between them.. They will avoid each other in case of to make they stop teasing..
2. It will be like what they said.. Things come true n fall to each other..
In my condition, i was afraid the number two to happen..
I just take him as friend first but i cant guarantee i wont fall for him if they always tease us.. Saying truth, i feel my pov toward him change day by day.. Just hoping things not happen like it supposed to be..

Signed off,
hellen195

Moon Festive ^~^

2010-09-22T20:53:00.004+08:00

Yeah.. Yeah..
It was moon festival tonight..
The moon was full, bright, n beautiful..
Full moon really attractive..
Oh yeah, n we are going to have pray tonight..
Hoping it won't be raining..
I'm already impatient to eat the moon cake.. Wkwk!
In fact, i already eat it bfr.. Hahay!
I forgot the chinese legend story about moon festival..
There was a goddless or fairy who go down to the earth because making mistake and she end up falling in love with human.. That was forbidden love.. The man doesnt know the girl marry with him was a fairy.. N her father also dont know she already married with human.. But then her father know he get angry n force her to go back to heaven n punish he to live in the moon.. He even doesnt allow her to be on earth anymore or just go down for a while.. That was irronic when u cant be with the one u love.. Another fairy or her mother (i doesnt remember it well) feel sorry to see her unhappy n making bridge between moon n earth.. The bridge like rainbow connecting the moon n earth once in a year.. When the full moon they will meet on the middle of that bridge..
That was sweet story!
But it seem not like moon fesitv story but chinese vals day story.. Haha
i messed everything up! Sorry.. The moon story was another version.. Search it yourself, ok?
Oh yeah fyi:
chinese valentine day was 7th in 7 month in chinese calendar..
N tonight was 15 th in month 7 the moon cake festival..

Signed off,
hellen195

Oh NOOO! Mid test coming!

2010-09-17T20:52:00.000+08:00

Hahaha!
I'm too over react..
Mid test arent that hard..
Actually it same like another test.. Individually by subject teacher.. Not like the semester..
The bad thing is i might fail for physic n chemistry..
Haha! Only can laugh at my dumb self :p

n now i'm thinking of indonesian mid.. Our class was given to make 3 kind of writing.. Wth! The teacher really" hmm.. Force us to write every week by giving task.. I hate it!

Signed off,
hellen195

Holiday end, school start.. (>.<)

2010-09-15T22:41:00.001+08:00

Yeah.. Yeah..
Finally, the holiday end..
Tomorrow school start with bunch of homework, task n midtest..
That drive me crazy!! ><
huh! But, what can i do?
I only can do all of those stuff with or without complaint..
Thats weird, sometime we hate school but we will miss it all of sudden.. Yeah, that's human behavior..

I had civic n physhic test tomorrow.. Wish me gud luck, kay?
I'm dizzy seeing the unfinished physic homework.. That really waste my time n energy.. And i'm not study civic well this time cause of that damn hw..
Okay, thats all

gud nite friend :)

"Be unique like salt! Your presence might not be felt but your absence will make food tasteless"

signed off,
hellen195

Huh!

2010-09-12T13:35:00.001+08:00

I'm lazy to post something here..
Currently, i love to tweeting more..
When i tweet something about 1 hour ago, i was suprised my friend ask who i mean in my tweet.. Because i think that tweet wont get any reply, since most of time everyone seem doesnt care what i tweet.. And of course i reply her saying that person is her self.. Haha! Actually, it's not she.. N i quickly delete one of my tweet, hoping everyone to forget it.. I doesnt want to talk it anymore..

I never say anything about my feel to other person.. I can't trust them fully.. Because there's quote said "Only died people can be trusted" i think that true.. Logically, everyone have human side even me.. So, i just trust my self and family.. They are the only one who known the true me.. My feels and everything.. In my dictionary, friend just people who you share happiness with.. Because, my friend break the promise to keep secret and stab me from behind.. That's enough, i already went through all those suffering.. When the feel of disappoint, hurt, and afraid mix up.. The world seem falling down.. And i'm become mature and a little individual now.. I learned from the past, friend just a word that can break in a second.. I don't want to be hurt anymore and i choose to not be too close with anyone.. Just normal friendship not bff.. Putting wall between us too see who are going to break it..
Haha! Seem funny, that was quote.. Think it carefully n you will get what it mean..
Oh yeah, I get new hobby from twitter, that was reading quote! I love it, sometime i repost it in my facebook, twitt, n here too like just now..

Okay, my hand tired n here is today quote.. Enjoy it! Haha

Truth is, everybody is gonna hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. -Bob Marley #ihatequotes

hoping it would be useful to you..

Bye!
Signed off,
hellen195

One week holiday! would it be suck?

2010-09-09T14:26:00.000+08:00

Huh!
One week holiday..
That mean i cant meet you these day.. I hate it.. Feel lonely without u around... I just can hope u will be online this holiday.. Although we just pass by look each other in school, i'm really happy.. I'm not talk u not because i dont want but because i dont have anything to say.. Haha!
Such a stupid thing.. Hoping we will have the wonderful end..
Now, back to the topic!

These holiday will be suck for us! Since we will have mid-test the whole week when the school start..
And for our nature sciene class it would be more suffer.. We had so many homework to do.. Here are the list:
1. Physics = 40 number (WTH!)
2. Chemistry (Oh Noo..)
3. Art = Interior (Waw.. I'm too lazy to do it)
4. Indonesian = 3 story (that really waste my time n energy)
5. English (Ok with it..)
6. Biology (oh yeah..)

how i'm going to finish all of it? Someone, help me please! T.T
and there are still many of exam a head..
We are going to dead..
It wont be real holiday but suffering day..

Signed off,
hellen195

That's enough! Too many problem we can't solve..

2010-09-08T19:06:00.000+08:00

Stop being childish!
Sometime you need to be mature n think from different side, although you are not mature yet..
Don't let small thing develop become big problem.. That's useless.. Only make yourself more depressed..
Everyone have problem.. And no one is perfect.. Even me too also imperfect n had many thing on my mind..
The difference is i am take the problem easy not serious.. I dont want to thinking too much about future.. Let today just be today.. Tomorrow will come without need u to think..

Girl are fragile i understand that.. Their heart brittle.. A small thing can make us cry the whole life.. We aren't designed to face the cruelty of this world..
I hate when people can't understand how we feel.. We often to act brave but actually crying inside.. U didnt need to comfort us, just be there accompany us and we will be more calm.. Letting us to know that u care.. Dont act like u dont care, when you do.. That hurt us even more..

Sometime, I'm wanna be psycholog.. Because i want to understand how the other feel.. So many feel in this world, i havent experience.. I dont know why i feel like understand them just by look deep in their eyes.. I can see all the fake smile and tear.. Maybe it was my speciality.. But wont reach this dream... My path arent lead me to there..

Signed off,
hellen195

Bunch of stupid and childish Boys!

2010-09-07T18:39:00.000+08:00

Hahaha!
I got nothing to do.. All the boy come together in front of my seat.. They play hit eachother.. Sound stupid but it was them! Hahaha.. A little crazy, sometime they called it "Autis" game..
Very weird if the other student see that.. Anusual behavior.. But i'm already get used to see it.. They already play it since grade X!
I wonder how fun it was..
I also want! Haha jk..
I wont since they wont hit girl, they wont give response..
Aww! It must hurt.. The hitting sound so loud, it sound like "Bang!" hahaha.. They are so childish..

Signed off,
hellen195

New Seat arrangement!

2010-09-06T11:42:00.001+08:00

Huft!
It really happen..
Something bad i talked yesterday..
Maybe it's not to bad..
But, i dislike it..
When all around me is boy..
And then the other boy want my seat.. WTH!
They plead me.. Huft!
I hate this condition..
And more over, they said i don't want to move because the boy in front of me.. That's too OVER! How can they judge thing as easy as their tummy! I'm sit here because i want! Not because the boy for sure.. Just let the other say what they want till they satisfied!
They never listen our explain.. Huh! Such a stupid thing.. I and HIM got nothing at all, just FRIEND! That clear! It's all up to u to believe it or not.. I wont force!

Signed off,
hellen195

Happy birthday to my sister!

2010-09-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

5th sept!
My sister birthdae..
Wish her will get the one who meant to her soon..
Haha

I'm very tired today!
Write out 4 story.. Argh.. Shit!
My hand become weirdos! It shake unconciusly.. Same with my head, it hurt..
So bad!
I had instinct tomorrow something bad happen, i hope it just my feel.. And everything gonna be ok tomorrow..
One thing i wish, don't separate us... I really appreciate every moment we share together.. I'm cant without u around.. So, let u be there for some more time..

Signed off,
Hellen195

Happy Birthday to My Self!

2010-09-01T21:14:00.003+08:00

Finally, it already September 1, 2010..
My 15th birthday..
I'm very happy to get many wishes and blesses from friend and family.. :)
theres no word can express my feel..
But i still feel something miss in my birthday..
Because someone who i expect the most not say happy birthday to me till that time.. T.T
a little disappointed.. Someone not do like what he said.. But i'm not blame him.. Haha!
I know without saying "happy birthday" these two word, you already mean it to me.. But, why u not say toward me personally, is it that hard?
My birthday wont be complete without these 2 simple word from that person..

Actually, my first birthday wish was he say "hb" to me personally..

Haha! I misunderstanding someone today.. Unreasonable angry to the person.. I dont know whether the person realize or not.. Since i am not say it out loud.. And i'm regreting at the end.. I found that the person not wrong at all.. But i still not saying sorry since it would be awkward..

Signed off,
hellen195

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

2010-08-31T19:13:00.001+08:00

September coming soon!

2010-08-23T22:52:00.001+08:00

Hey!
Long time no see..
How r u? I'm fine here!
Actually, i always be there.. I just not update post.. Hahaha
Ask why? Coz i got nothing to write..
I'm thinking to much these day.. Always worry about how tomorrow will be.. I also confuse, what happen to me? Become weird..
Self independence? I might can but i wont cause i dont want it.. I feel lonely.. People are around but i still alone.. Huh! I want to back to that time.. The time without worry.. I must get used of all of this..

Actually, being single isn't bad.. But sometime i need person to talk with.. It will be perfect if i had u on my side.. You act differently to me, i can feel it.. I just don't know the reason and awkward to ask it.. So, i just keep it in my heart.. Maybe u are dislike me.. I don't know.. I only hope it opposite from my thought..

September only some day more.. Do u know what special on sept? It's my birthday.. :D 1st september was my birthday.. Hope u can always remember it.. When u step in september it mean my birthday already went... Haha
I wish u can bless me this year.. Just simple wish from u already enough.. Because i know i cant expect gift from u, that very impossible.. U even don't know when is my birthday.. That was sad thing! T.T it was my 15th birthday, i'm born in 1995 for ur information :) it can be counted young among my friends.. Haha
hoping in my 15th year old my relationship with u will getting better.. Both of us can be more mature.. Wont be childish.. Avoid each other just because the other opinion.. That was silly thing.. Haha..

Signed off,
Hellen195

Special Quotes

2010-08-14T17:37:00.000+08:00

Today Retweet:

If you don't know, ask me. If you don't agree, argue with me. If you don't like me, say it to me. But don't keep quiet and judge me! #TLS

if you never ask, the answer will always be NO.

If you never go for what you want, you'll never have it!!

If you don't step foward, you'll always be in same place.

Stop talking about what you used to be and start something that you wanna be.

note: i miss u more n more.. :*

Signed off,
hellen195

Short holiday!

2010-08-12T23:38:00.001+08:00

Happy fasting day to all!
I'm in the short holiday now..
Had nothing to do..
Keep tweeting with befi3894! Haha!
Currently watch Hi! my sweetheart! That was funny drama i think..

Follow my tweet yo : /hellen195lovesu

Today retweet:
If you don't know, ask me. If you don't agree, argue with me. If you don't like me, say it to me. But don't keep quiet and judge me! #TLS

oh yeah, one thing i forgot to type is I miss U..
How are u? Hope u not fall sick.. Because i hear many people get sick these day.. U already not connected with network for some week.. Wish u back soon.. Haha!

Bye"

signed off,
hellen195

Sleepy =='zzz

2010-08-09T10:50:00.002+08:00

Hoamm!
Wanna sleep..
So sleepy!
My eyes hardly to open..
Today i join pull rope competition.. Hahaha
we are lose to IPS 2..
I never predict we are gone lose.. Hahaha! At least we already try..
Congratz to IPS 3 they are win.. Both the 11 grade n 12 grade.. Hahaha!
Do u know what stupid joke the IPA class make?
They said "we are busy to count the rope tense use the physics formula"
hahaha! lol!
I think IPA student not talented in physical exercise..
Just see how our class next performance..
I think the Ball dance would be interesting.. But i never want to do that dance.. Moreover if with the one i dislike.. I definitely Say no!

Today, i'm very confuse at school.. Maybe, u not realize it.. My face usually not represent how i feel.. Should i help their problem? Let the person know how that person think? And at the end i do nothing.. Hahaha.. I'm not capable to do this.. It might because i still have feel to the person and dont want anything change.. The more i see the more i can't let go.. Will that person think in that way too? Just let the time make everything solved..

Signed off,
hellen195

Reply to Yuakai comment

2010-08-08T17:15:00.001+08:00

hey!! i already recieve n read your comment.. i just not publish it here..

he never talk to u because he had his own reason..

n i also not know what is the reason..

be brave to go n talk with him, u will know the truth about his feel.. don't randomly guess the problem is because the person u blacklist..

your grandma?? what thing u doesn't want her to know? i have no idea about that..

i'm never know tevia phone had been stolen..

and i also had no idea about who stole the phone..

I know ips 3 wasn't that bad! come on!

just don't care about what they said..

the most important of all is don't let your self think bad about your self and your class..

what do u mean by green table on 20 August?? i don't understand that.

one thing u must do is, give them prove!

prove them u are not like what they think..

prove it, u wasn't the troublemaker like their opinion,,

B+ (Be Positive)!!!

signed off,

hellen195

So many thing happen this week!

2010-08-07T20:30:00.006+08:00

Both of sad n happy thing happen this week!
I'm so so so tireddd!
The normal school day started!
And i must take some extra lesson.. Math and Chemistry for now.. And i still search for phyics extra too..

I had flu again..
It because my body weak.. Can't stand all of this..

I will be a little relax next week.. Because our school create some event for independence day.. Hope i can get better soon!

Today Retweet:
RT: I just thought you should know, i've been holding on when all you've been doing is letting go. #SLT

signed off,
hellen195

Dedicate to YuakaI a.k.a Yu Hime

2010-08-07T20:30:00.005+08:00

Huftt!
I hope everything will be back to normal condition..
Just forget it, can u?
I know they are never mean it..
Forgive them..
And me too if i had said something wrong..

If u like this, it just make me feel guilty.. I wont ask from the first if in the end just make broken friendship..
We are friend, aren't we?
Don't blacklist them, Ok?
And just for u know, u are very special person to him..
That's truth! He said it his self, u want to believe it or not depend on your self..

I wont force you to believe me, because i know in your position it's hard to believe someone.. I suggest u to ask him yourself..

Please, don't think it just from one side.. Sometime, u also need to think from other side! If u are angry that time, then do u ever think how he feel that time?
How she feel that time?

It just misunderstanding between u and them.. Don't make it as reason to break apart your friendship..
I think it's all i can write for now..

This post dedicate to my friend @yuakai

Today Retweet:
RT: I just thought you should know, i've been holding on when all you've been doing is letting go. #SLT

signed off,
hellen195

Sick of this!

2010-07-31T00:24:00.000+08:00

Hmmm!
I hardly go through this month.. Bad month ever!
My day like hell since i sit beside someone i dont like at all.. In my eyes, everything he do always wrong even he do the right thing.. And he make the Genius one who sit behind me move to other seat by teacher.. All because of him! I was mad! One month already past and its already the time to change seat.. I want to move quickly but the teacher not change my seat.. That make me feel sad, angry, disappoint, and all.. I want to stay over from him! Tomorrow, i will go and talk to the teacher about this.. Wish me good luck and i can get better seat! I was very unlucky these day.. That make me not have mood to write this blog.. Sorry for all

signed off,
hellen195

Huftt!

2010-07-19T22:09:00.004+08:00

The real school day started! My day like a hell.. That just my opinion.. I know actually i must thank God for everything.. Many people more unfortunate than me.. But, i'm still not get used of this.. The new class, new classmate, new situation.. I really not comfortable with all of this.. Passing day only by see you from the far.. Around 3 meter.. Usually i'm very close with u.. Everyday hear your voice talk about something useless.. Although u are not really talk to me i already get used to listen each words from our mouth.. I miss all of those time.. I want to back to that time.. You know i already said to my self to stop think back but i still can't get over from you! I'm never blame you.. It's my decision.. I know till the time you wont help me at all.. And i silently help u from back without u know.. I'm not regret make this choise.. Although i will suffer in these two year, i would be happy can everyday see u from the far.. This suitable price becouse U are like jewelry.. Can see but can't touch.. One day i will suitable enough to keep u beside me.. Just count it as i accompany u suffering from today on ward..

Actually, i had many task to do.. But i don't really feel like do it.. Moreover, if it about art.. I need imagination.. At least give me time to relax and think..

Signed off,
hellen195

Bad mood (>.<)

2010-07-17T23:48:00.001+08:00

I'm having bad mood lately..
Very" bad mood.. It all because of you! Make me feel like crying.. I dont know how long i can hold this tears for not fall down...
Why? Why? Why u never say everything clearly? I'm disappointed with u.. If u dont care me then never look at me... Dont give me a hope if u just want to hurt me in the end.. I feel your heart really different with your mouth.. You often said bad thing of me but sometime i feel you not really mean it..
It's true, i may be still love you.. But i hate this feel.. That make me sick.. I was jealous these day, see you come to another girl seat and had pretty seatmate.. And me, i'm stuck with your friend.. I had bad impression with him.. I really not like him beside me.. I wont say hate because hate and love only have small difference.. I'm afraid if one day hate can be turn into love..
After all, i only hope one month can go more fast.. Because we are really far from each other now.. And i miss our time together.. Your pretty and gentle voice.. Hope in another chance i can be near with you...

Signed off,
Hellen195

Heartache

2010-07-15T11:25:00.002+08:00

I dont know why suddenly feel my heart stabbed.. Feel hurt.. I'm sure i was sad right now.. :( how about u?

i believe God already prepare something for me.. Although i not love what you prepare now, i will try to love it.. But, am i strong enough to go through it? My day will be like hell later.. I hope it doesnt happen..

Huh! I was depressed because of that! And for you, are you really doesnt have feel for me?? Please answer! Make everything clear.. Dont let me guess anymore.. Are u happy not see me around? If you are then i'm too.. I really want to let you go.. But why its so hard? The only way in my mind is, make my self drawn to other than you... You wont jealous, aren't you? i still can't stop my self to examine u.. And the one i'm confuse is, if you really not have feel for me then why you act different toward me? Sometime i feel you care about me..
Huh! Actually, whats in your mind?

Signed off,
hellen195

Beauty is not bad!

2010-07-02T21:16:00.001+08:00

Bye" June!

2010-06-30T23:38:00.001+08:00

Time really went fast..
This month will went in a minute later.. Say Good bye to June!
Yeah! The big news is i'm make new record this month! 22 post in a month.. Give me a medal please ^_^
i really hope time can went more pass.. Back to school and meet friend.. I miss them a lot.. Especially for you! My cutest :*

love you more and more!

Lastly, i wish u happy birthday to all who have birthday in this month..
Sorry for not say one by one to you..
Oh yeah, my friend YuakaI also have birthday this month.. Wish her happy birthday.. ^,^

Signed off,
hellen195

Thanks God!

2010-06-28T20:50:00.001+08:00

God, you really hear what i say.. Two days ago i hope something.. And yesterday the thing really happen.. It's not big thing but important for me ^,^

i finally hear information about you.. Even though you let all know this news and not only for me.. Yesterday, i was gone with famz so i cant accompany you there.. And when i know the news you already went off.. I wonder are you read my post before because why there such accidental thing.. If you read then it good.. If not then i must thank God for help me.. Make me more relax after know you are totally fine.. At least i'm sleep well yesterday night =)
hope to hear another news soon.. Remember to take care yourself..

Saying truth, i'm have plan something these day.. But i think this plan wont work since you are not going accept it... Actually, this good for both of us.. We can help each other with this plan.. Both of us can get profit.. Mutualisme relationship..
That true i still not let u know about this but with your characteristict i'm sure you will definitely reject it.. Make me more hard too see :( so, i wont let u know about this.. Just keep in my heart.. Hope miracle happen and my plan work without you know.. I believe in miracle because i ever realize it.. If God really want us together than it wasnt impossible thing..

but i cant hope too high for this.. Because i know, when you have high hope you wont able to accept the fact.. I'm not this kind person.. I always let everything go the way they are.. just let it flow :)
like me and you.. I and you not know and cant guess our future now.. Must take step by step go through this.. Future is on our hand it depend on us.. I hope the best happy end for all.. Especially for me and you.. ^_^

one thing i'm sure is
"I dont want to forget you, even it was possible, i would rather remember all the hurt"

you must know sometime
"The happier i seem, the sadder i am"
i just dont want make you worry of me..

those word is some part of Claire Guo lyric..

Signed off,
hellen195

Dear diary,

2010-06-27T01:23:00.001+08:00

Saturday, 26 June 2010

One week after last meet with you.. One week not talk face to face with you.. 5 days not hear info about you.. 5 days after communicate with you.. Tuesday, is the last day you make me laugh.. Maybe what you said not fun but i cant help my self to not laugh if the person is you.. But you not see me laugh that time.. Wonder what your expression that time.. Are you also laugh too or at least smile?
Everday, i always think of you.. I try to make my self busy.. But i will think you when i have time like tonight.. When everyone already deep on their dream, i write down my feel in this blog.. Think about you and look at your photos.. You already make me a fool.. Why i become like this?

How are you boys? I'm not recieve info about you anymore.. I hope you are fine whereever you are.. Because i also same here.. Give me news about your self soon.. Dont make me more anxious please..

I really cant imagine if you are leave from my side.. My heart will fragile.. Break into pieces... I hope that day wont come.. Dont leave me alone.. Take me with you.. I'm willing accompany you to travel around this adventurous world.. It doesnt matter how suffer and painful as long as i'm with you... Because i believe you will take care and protect me.. Together we will go through those obstacle...

You must believe me... I always say truth toward you.. I also believe you wont lie to me..Believe me, i really need you on my side... Dont care what the world will say about us, we just need to believe each other..
Believe me, i really need you on my side...
I afraid if one day we must separate... I'm not that brave to walk alone heading the future.. I know that day surely will come.. The day when you leave me alone.. Because you have different path with me.. And will go through different ways too.. Hope miracle will come and change our fate.. i will still make a wish for you although we are separate ..

I wish you are happy with someone else.. the one who really deserve you... dont ever look back for me.. because i wont there anymore.. I already take step for the better begining without you ^,^ and wont let you to accompany me at that time..

"Fate is written on the wood, not stone"
we wont know what happen tomorrow.. Just can try and hope for the best..

God bless Us!

Signed off,
hellen195

I Miss U

2010-06-24T22:14:00.004+08:00

Hoam!
I'm so sleepy.. Going sleep after write this post :o
lately, i feel really miss your existence.. :'( where r u actually? I miss u!
Hahaha! I'm very stupid to ask.. Because actually i already know where u are.. Thank for let me know.. But knowing where u are make me feel u really distant from me.....
T.T comeback soon.. Because i think LDR wont works.. Miss u.. I'm waiting news about you.. ^_~ looking at your photos make me more miss you.. :-* if you are here i really cant help to stop my self to say "I luph U".. i know i'm not allowed to say those word..
Because you have your own principle which not accept anyone before the right time.. And i really appreciate you principle..So, saying those word just make you hard.. and i never want to be obstacle for you.. i will wait till the right time when you already reach your dream.. ^_^
i hope i can be strong enough to stand without you till the time..
Can you please accompany me this time? Give me a little more time.. I feel loneny without you T.T really really miss you my dear *a**a..

Signed off,
hellen195

My day in Holiday!

2010-06-22T23:42:00.004+08:00

My holiday wont be this colorful without you and your brother.. Really fun today.. I'm too surprised and mistyped something.. I dont know whether you realize it or not.. But i think you do..
And for your question before here is my answer Of course i really shocked to hear that information.. Since i'm not talk about it.. Lol.. You make me Blankly become disconnect.. Hahaha.. You're the one who change topic without tell me.. And yeah you success pranked me.. Congratz! If i not wrong it was first time you success make fun with me.. Hope u can do more than this.. ^_^ Really miss you! Hahahaha..
Come back soon or at least keep in touch with me..

Ouh yeah, i want to tell you this.. I will become more busy when it come holiday.. Dont ask why.. Because it hard to explain.. So, i cant update frequently like before.. But i wish i can.. Okay, i will update when night time like this if i'm not dead tired.. I will fulfill my promise..

Signed off,
hellen195

Bye" XD FamZ

2010-06-22T01:03:00.001+08:00

Horray! ^_^
I'm pass this 10th grade..
Going to 11th nature grade..
Hope i can enter 11 IPA 1 class! Because i think most of my friends will be there too..
Hahahaha!

Two days ago i was chat with one of my classmate.. I ask about the total score in the report book.. I was the one who ask but he keep ask me to answer first.. I think this person want to make me MAD!
So, i just randomly ask "how was it higher or lower than before?"..
Then he answer "of course higher"
i ask again "so, you are proud of this?"
he proudly answer "Yeah, i am"
in my mind i said "huh!how can there's person be really proud of their self.."

then i continued "Okay, i'm tired of this... I got 1225, you?"
he answered "i just got 1210.. I know youre smart.."

in my mind that time "hahahaha! I win! Of course i'm smart.. It just you who never realize it.. Ckckck.. Let see how can u still proud of your self.. ^,^"

i'm sure that time he must be mad, angry, or embrassed with me.. Who ask him to be that proud.. Not me for sure ^_^
i'm really pity him for always lose against me.. But i'm sure one day he will get higher score than me.. Because i know he also smart and more better than me..

Last time if i not wrong he got 10 below me and now he got 15 below me.. I know he already happy that time because his score already improve and beat my score last time(if he remeber my score last time).. I also happy if it was me in that position..
But who know he had bad luck.. Disappointed again.. Hahahaha! :D this period my score improve a lot.. Higher 34 point than last time.. It just for the knowledge.. (i only talk about the knowledge here not practical because i'm already tired of typing) But i'm sure my knowledge isn't just like that.. If i dont get sick this period i will get more than this.. Anyway who want to get sick.. It's my own problem to have weak body..

I think next period if we still in same class, i'm sure he wont compare his result against me.. Let it be lesson for him to not be that proud.. Really not like his self last time...
Truly, i'm feel sorry for him.. If you read this then forgive me, kay?

I never want to make him mad, sad or anything.. I dont mean to embrass him.. I just want to know his score nothing more than it..

I promise to not embrass him anymore although he not ask for it.. You think how can a person like him ask for that..
Saying truth, he really help me a lot with those lesson... Without his help i wont get that high.. My english also improve a lot because of him.. Although my grammar still bad like hell, who ask him not teach me this T.T... My final exam score for english still 5 point below him.. I dont know how in the report card..
Really thank him for this one year help.. Hope you can help me again next year! I'm so evil ^_^ hahahaha.. But, dont angry with me please? We are friend isn't it? I know sometime you not really want to help but forced to help.. At least you still help on the end and need to be thanks.. Let me give you this one milion thanks ^_~

Today, i was hang out with XD Famz.. We are went to SCP.. Watch prince of persia at Cinema 21, take some photos at M Studio, and karoke at Happy Puppy..
Afterall, i had a lot of fun today.. Wont forget this day.. As my promise to always remember every single memories about XD Famz.. Xd famz will always have place in our heart.. Sadly it just the girls who hang out today plus one pig.. I mean not really a pig but a boy who called as pig in our class.. He often hang out with the girls and rarely with the boys..

It's already late
i'm going sleep..

Signed off,
hellen195

Tears can't be held anymore..

2010-06-18T09:42:00.004+08:00

Now, i'm at school..
Has nothing to do..
And not meet someone i want to meet today... Because they not came today... Really sad.. If i must separate with them.. Tomorrow will be the last day we together and called as xd... Hope the best for us... Separation isn't the end.. It just the way to the better begining..
Cant held my tear anymore..
Hope someone can be there and support me... I wish next class period i can be with you.. It's a little impossible.. But i believe there's nothing impossible in this world..
Just like now you come to school! I think you not care about me and the other.. I'm shocked and also happy about this.. Hope another impossible thing happen soom..

Signed off,
hellen195

Words from my heart !_!

2010-06-17T19:03:00.001+08:00

Do you know what i think this time??Thinking back to old day.. I don't want to think anymore.. Everything already enough to make me sad...
I wish time can stop when we together.. That day i wont forget.. Alone with you doing school task.. It will be my precious memories... Really thanks for everything you gave me before.. I wont forget you my friend.. Actually, you already have place in my heart.. It just you who doesn't know it... The first thing i think when i know the news is you... That make me realize you really important for me... I don't know whether i can stand up without you.. In my mind when i hear the news is... How can be like that? I don't want.. Really don't want.. That mean we really separate... Why i am so dumb? Can't compare with you... Of course i'm shock.. Can't say anything.. Feel like crying but i try my best to held my tear falling down...

After a while, i force my self to calm down.. Try to Positive thinking... And the result is i become brave.. Support the other to become brave too.. Try hard to not think about you and me will separate... I already try my best to not separate with you... But the real decision not on my self.. They will decided it for us... We only can hang on fate.. Hope fate can brought us together again..

God, i already know my fault.. Please forgive me... I will work hard from the begin... Won't be like this anymore... Please, let my wish come true.. Just this easy wish... Don't separate me with my friend... I can't without this person... I will do everything if you not separate us... Please,please help me... T.T this was first time i really wish for something.. It must be really important for me..

Make my wish come true..

Signed off,
hellen195

Life has it up and down..

2010-06-17T13:02:00.000+08:00

i'm down now...
it is the only one i know..
yesterday i was supporting someone but who know today i'm like this..
really feel bad...
want to cry like forever..
the news really like big pressure for me..
saying i'm fine totaly was a big lie...
i'm not fine..
although you see me brave and continue heading foward..but i'm not that brave... i'm still afraid deep inside..
i hope time can turn back to the time school started.. i will study hard if time can turn back..
it's all my fault...
not serious study..
now, what i can do?? this decision not change everything..
but i olny can do it for now... lying to my self and the other isn't good choise.. the truth reveal now... i'm such as coward this time..
now, i promise to my self...
i will serious towad everything.. let it be a good lesson for me...
i only can hope the best for my self..
it's my life path..
i believe god already prepare something for me... one day it will turn to be good thing for me...

can't stop to blame my self... what can i do?
crying? actually it just waste my energy..
but i can't stop my tears to not falling down..

life is like a wheel... has it own up and down..
this time i down.. i will collect my energy to stand up again... and heading towards the future..
the wheel will spin soon and i will be on the upper part of it...

signed off,

Blog Competition

2010-06-14T20:05:00.001+08:00

I'm really want to join this competition..
But it's already a little late..
The reservation end tomorrow..
If i know the competition 3 days ago i absolutely will join this competition.. Blame my self for late info..
I believe my knowdledge for blogging a little bit more than most of high school student.. But i don't have anymore time to make new blog.. I wont use this blog for competition because this blog really private for me... That my decision even my close friend and sibling also not know about this blog.. Just some of friend know the blog.. Most of my visitor are blogger who i dont know at all..
Now, back to the topic..
I had bad connection these day.. Hardly connect to internet especially with computer.. So, making new blog definitely impossible for me.. Even if i can connect to internet also same because i must study hard for tomorrow physic remedial.. And now the electricity at my home down, i cant study for it.. Hope miracle come tomorrow and my brain become blink blink.. Hahahaha.. After remedial our class will go to balikpapan.. Visit the beach and mall.. This was our separation party.. Really sad though..
It also the big reason why i cant join the competition.. I will back to home around 7 at tomorrow.. And i must be dead tired.. Impossible to do reservation and make new blog.. So, i decided to let go this chance..
Dont be sad! Cheer up!
Still T.T
huwaaawaaa!!! :'(

signed off,
hellen195

My Heart is Yours :D

2010-06-13T17:33:00.001+08:00

Wonder What's wrong with the title?
Hahahaha.. :D
Let me explain first..
See the top left side of this blog.. In the Charmy kitty picture had writen my heart is yours.. So, i just had nothing to do and make it as title.. It's not like i love you even if you are girl.. :) hahahaha i'm not lesbian...
But be a lesbian might have a lot fun.. ^_^ after all, sorry for make you had heartbeat just now.. Hahahaha! Wakakakakakaaaa..

Because of a lot of school bussiness i'm not think about feel anymore.. Or i might think but not like last time... Suddenly update blog everyday really strange.. It's not only you but I also think it strange.. Moreover, the content not like before talking about someone.. Now my update always about school stuff.. It's very bored! I can't do something good for this blog.. I feel fail to make this blog interesting and useful..
Let me know what you want me to write about please.. :)

talking about heart, my heart might always be with someone.. He already take my heart with him.. I hope i can take it back... Because it just one sided love.. He doesn't deserve it... But what can i do? I'm unable to take it back because heart problem isn't that easy...
You might also went through that.. If you haven't that mean you will go through it soon.. Prepare for it... Because i know it not just like that.. When us grow up everything will come more and more hard... Till the time Tears can't be held anymore... This time i can be relax because everything just flow like water... Although it not flow like the way i want... Sometime i also sad... Because stupidly cant do anything... Seeing him slowly go to the other direction.. I'm not stop him because i know i have no right to stop him... I wasn't anything for him... In fact, he might not take me as friend too.. I'm more sad when knowing this... Feel rejected... Can't help to not cry.. I tried to calm down that time because i know cry doesnt make anything become better, it just make me more worse... You might think, does 14th years old girl really went through this complicate problem? Yeah in fact i do went through this..
It because last time when i was 11 going 12 years old i already went through something more complicate than this... Last time i really down.. Crying badly... But not in front of the person for sure... After cry i realize the person doesn't deserve my tears... I decided to not think about that anymore and slowly leave the problem behind... I'm such as coward that time.. Not brave to face it.. But i'm sure the person also coward because he also not face it... I think the person still avoid me till this time... How about me? I also try to not have contact with him any more... Actually, I might still hurt and avoid him deep inside.. But im sure there's no feel between us anymore.. And we wont back together.. It's already end long time ago...
But the last time problem and now have big difference.. This time everything still not too late... If nothing begin between us then there's wont be a big problem.. Just my own problem to erase my feel toward him..
And i'm sure everything wont begin soon because he already decided something... I know his character, he wont change his decision that easy... Actually, i also know which word he really mean and which he not mean it.. From the first he never want to make me sad nor hurt.. He just want safe his self.. Egoistly put me in a corner and stab me... I'm sure he has his own reason.. Athough the time not long, i already understand and know many thing about him.. That make me can't help to erase this feel... Separation might be a good thing... We might separate in near time because of something.. But i feel we wont separate because of the thing in the near time... That just my feel.. Anyway, my sense really bad... Although we must separate, it doesnt mean everything over.. It just the new good begin for us to have own path... In the time we develop our self become more and more wonderful.. I believe one day the path will cross again... That time we already change, and i wont like this anymore.. Hahahaha

signed off,
hellen195

HeiLeeN

2010-06-12T14:16:00.001+08:00

NEW signature!!!
wkwkwk~
pinky pink as always.. hahaha

signed off,
hellen195/HeiLeeN

Yay! Finally it's end! ^_^

2010-06-11T14:59:00.003+08:00

Yippie Yahoo!!
I'm happy!
Of course.. Hahaha..
There's nothing to sad about..
The examination already end..
The result for now is i'm pass the civil, chinese language, history, indonesian language, and religion..

I get 54 score for math.. T.T
not pass it... But after the score accumulate with the other i pass for math..

53 for chemical.. T.T
comparing it to other student 53 already good enough.. But i still not pass it.. The remidial is held tomorrow... I hope i pass it.. I'm too Lazy to do the remidial...

Still waiting for the other lesson result...

I really miss online from computer.. Especially my Ameba Pico.. Really miss it a lot... I tried to open it just now.. But it can't open.. I also can't open the other pages too such as blogger and google.. Seems like my connection down... It mean I might need wait till night..
I'm blogging from phone these day.. Lol
Hope the connection back soon..

Signed off,
hellen195

The last day

2010-06-11T05:06:00.001+08:00

Today is the last day of examination... Sosiology,economy, and sport..
Go! Fighting!
Hope i can pass all of lesson... Although i know there's some lesson which is impossible for me to pass..
I hope a miracle come to me ^_^ because i dont wish to take any remidial...

I'm off and going sleep again..

Signed off,
hellen195

Arggghhh!

2010-06-10T14:17:00.001+08:00

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
ggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.............................................
...................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crazy? Yes
Stress? Of course!

After all, i have bad mood now..
Don't ask me the reason..
Because i also dont know..

My feel detail for now is like this:
Stress = 60%
Sad = 15%
Angry = 10%
Jealous = 7.5%
Disappointed = 5%
Other = 2.5%

i'm going crazy!!!!
Can't help this anymore...

Morning!

2010-06-10T04:37:00.001+08:00

It's still dark here!
The sun not rise yet...
I'm wake early for study..
And i already finish it..
Wanna go back and sleep for a while...
Today i have english,art,and geograph exam...
Good luck for my self!
Jia you!

Signed off,
hellen195

Physics T.T

2010-06-08T20:12:00.001+08:00

I'm suck at physic!
From 1st exam till now i never pass it! The highest result i get just 52... T.T hope miracle come tomorrow and i can do the question well... But i not prepare it yet...
Wish me good luck! At least, please make me pass this last physics exam in 10th grade...

Last time, when i still at junior high school i pass all physics exam.. In fact, i'm ever join regency physics olympiad... Sadly, i'm not pass it and go to province degree...
I also don't know why i suddenly become stupid at physhic... Is it me who too stupid or the question too hard??? I think both.. T.T

the other lesson on tomorrow exam is Biology...
I hope can do this well too..
Wish i have time to study it a little since i still not finish study the physhic...
God, help me!! ^_^
pretty please with cherry on top ^,^

3 days more..
The exam end..
But it doesn't mean everything already end...
I still not free till the report card on my hand...
My score decrease this semester..
That was bad news for me...
I already try my best to do everything...
But...
The result isn't as good as i hope...
I only can wish...
Wish everything turn right for me...

The last thing on my mind is about next period major..
Sciene or social?
Truly, i want learn both..
Like this time...
But i must choose one in near time..
And let go the other..
I'm really confuse..
I dont want to regret later...
The decision might take effect to my life after i finish the high school...
So, i think about it carefully..
With many consideration...
No one can influence me...
Only my self..
And after i decided my choise...
I wont step back...
With no regretion bravely heading toward the future...
It's my decision...
The decision which i already review for long time..
No one can make me change it include you...

Nothing is impossible in this world..
With hard work everything can happen...
I believe on my own ability...
I believe i can...
I believe the day after tomorrow will be bright day...
Thanks for teach me this spirit of life...
I wont forget you...
Altough we're in separate world, Your words will always life in my heart...
Best friend forever... ^_^

so, want to know my decision?
Hahaha!
Not let you know this time..
But i will next time...
How about you? Which major do you take next?

Good luck for us on everything!
Jia You on tomorrow exam!
We can do it!
Ha!Ha!Ha!

Signed off,
hellen195

Tired

2010-06-07T12:53:00.001+08:00

Tired is the word i can said...
Maybe, i already overforce my self..
My body cant stand it anymore.. Feel really weak... Lie down on bed also not change everything... Please, give me back my energy... Atleast for 4 more days... I really need it...
How can i pass the exam with this condition?
God, please help me!
I know you have your way to help me...

I go to get some rest now..

Signed off,
hellen195

Sneeze

2010-06-07T05:06:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, my condition really bad.. I can't study at all... I had fever... Sneezing and coughing all the time.. That irritate me! Fortunately, i already get better today.. No more fever and headache... But i still sneezing and coughing... Why i must sick when it's exam time? I hate this! i get up early this morning for study a little since i didnt study well yesterday...
Wish me good luck on today test!!!
Math drive me crazy.. o.O
help please... Hahaha! ^.^

signed off,
hellen195

3 Kind of Days

2010-06-05T15:53:00.002+08:00

Message from chinese community..

HANYA ADA 3 HARI DLM HIDUP INI.

Yang Pertama:
HARI KEMARIN...

Kamu tak bisa mengubah apa pun yg telah terjadi...
Kamu tak bisa menarik perkataan yg telah terucapkan....
Kamu tak mungkin lagi menghapus kesalahan..;
dan mengulangi kegembiraan yg kamu rasakan kemarin...

Biarkan hari kemarin lewat;
Lepaskan saja....

Yang kedua:
HARI ESOK...

Hingga mentari esok hari terbit,
Kamu tak tahu apa yg akan terjadi...
Kamu tak bisa melakukan apa-apa esok hari...
Kamu tak mungkin tau.., sedih atau ceria di esok hari...

Krn Esok hari belum tiba;
Biarkan saja...

Yang tersisa kini hanyalah:
HARI INI...

Pintu masa lalu telah tertutup...
Pintu masa depan pun blum tiba...
Pusatkan sj diri kamu u/n hari ini...

Kamu dapat mengerjakan lebih banyak hal u/n hari ini...,
Bila kamu mampu memaafkan hari kemarin...
Dan melepaskan ketakutan akan esok hari...

Hiduplah hari ini...

Karena, masa lalu.. dan masa depan.. hanyalah permainan pikiran yang rumit....

Hiduplah apa adanya...

Karena yg ada hanyalah hari ini...

Perlakukan setiap orang dgn kebaikan hati.. dan rasa hormat..,

Meski mereka berlaku buruk pada kamu...

Cintailah seseorang sepenuh hati hari ini..,

karena mungkin besok cerita sudah berganti....

Ingatlah bahwa kamu mnunjukkan penghargaan pd orang lain...

bukan krn siapa mereka..., tetapi krn siapakah diri kamu sendiri....

Jadi,

jangan biarkan masa lalu mengekangmu...

Atau masa depan membuatmu bingung... =D

Teruslah Berlari Mengejar Mimpi!

Signed off,

Hellen195<3

Final Exam and SIck!

2010-06-05T14:21:00.000+08:00

Helooo...
Long time no write again..
i'm currently catch cold and get influenza..
my head a little dizzy..
how my new template looks? pink guitar remind me about something.. ^_^
try listen the music too...
ROCKS!!

Final exam already start from Friday... It will end on friday too..
Hope i can do it well..
today the chemistry really hard for me, i think i can't pass it..
anyway i'm sick, i cant concentrate do the question..
hope me get better soon!

Today i see her talk with you.. i think your relationship with her already develop..
that's good.. the two of you really match.. it's what you wish, isn't it?
i'm happy if you are happy :D i only can support you from behind.. and you never realize my presence.. i don't mind it.. it's me the one who willingly do it... but i'm sure one day you will know it... secret won't be forever.. :p i don't know whether you angry or happy when you know the truth.... i don't care! one thing for sure is i never mean lying to you... i just make it as the way to support you... believe me or not is your choise not mine.. what happen next between us can't be predict.. tomorrow is a mystery..
Sorry and Thanks! are the only word i can said for you... i already let you go..

wish u happy with her! Zhu fu ni men ^.^

Yong yuan dou shi wo de hao peng you!

Signed off,
Hellen195 <3

Just Read it! ^,^

2010-06-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

Seorang ibu yg sudah tua memiliki 2 buah tempayan, yg dipikul di pundaknya dengan menggunakan bambu.
Salah 1 dari tempayan itu retak, sedangkan yg 1 nya tidak bercela dan selalu memuat air hingga penuh.
Setibanya di rumah stlh menempuh perjalanan panjang dr sungai, air di tempayan yang retak tinggal separuh.
Selama 2 tahun hal ini berlangsung setiap hr, dimana sang ibu tua membawa pulang air hanya 1 1/2 tempayan.
Tentunya si tempayan yang utuh sangat bangga akan pencapaiannya. Namun tempayan yg retak merasa malu akan kekurangannya & sedih, sebab dia hanya bisa memenuhi 1/2 dari kewajibannya. Setelah 2 thn yang dianggapnya sebagai kegagalan, akhirnya dia berbicara kepada ibu tua di dekat sungai.
"Aku malu, sebab air bocor melalui bagian tubuhku yang retak di sepanjang jln menuju ke rmh mu."
Ibu itu tersenyum dan menjawab, "Tidakkah kau lihat bunga yang beraneka ragam di jalur yang kau lalui, namun tidak ada di jalur yang lainnya?
Aku sudah tau kekuranganmu, jadi aku menabur benih bunga di jalurmu dan setiap hr dalam perjalanan pulang kau menyirami benih2 itu, selama 2 thn ini pula aku bisa memetik bunga2 yang cantik untuk menghias meja.
Kalau kau tidak spt itu, maka rmh ini tidak bisa seasri spt ini sebab tidak ada bunga."
Kita semua pny kekurangan ... Namun kekurangan itulah yang menjadikan hidup kita bersama menjadi menyenangkan dan memuaskan dengan saling melengkapi 1 dengan yg lain.
Kita harus bisa menerima setiap orang apa adanya dan mencari yang terbaik dalam diri mereka.
Saudaraku sesama tempayan yang retak, semoga harimu menyenangkan. Jangan lupa mencium wanginya bunga di jalurmu
INGAT! Tdk ada manusia yg sempurna!!!
Di dalam persahabatan kita juga, kadang ada ucapan kita yang menyenangkan, ada juga ucapan kita yang dapat melukai perasaan org lain, tapi jangan ucapan yang melukai itu menjadi beban bagi yang mendengarnya, tp itu adalah cermin kedewasaan kita untuk belajar memahami ucapan yang melukai...

Indonesian language

sorry if you not understand this...

i just forward this message..

not created by me!

Signed off,

Hellen195

Just let it flow!

2010-05-24T14:59:00.001+08:00

Hy2!
Miss me? I hope so..
Wonder what with the title? Same to me..
Just feel like write it... Let everything flow like water :D
one week before final test was busy week ever! I'm get tired and had red eyes cause of that... Really wish i can finish my personal problem before the final test.. If the problem still not end, i probably can't do the test well.. I'm not focus these day because thinking of that... I still not take any action do the problem.. Just let it flow.. Hope tomorrow will be better.. And slow but sure the problem gone a little bit.. Pray for me, okay?
God bless Us! Muach :-*

signed off,
hellen195

Sick again :'(

2010-05-21T17:50:00.001+08:00

Hmmmp..
My eyes hurt...
I had red eyes like someone beat me up.. It's already the 2nd day of eyesache..
Really bad!
Hope i can get over soon!

These day i always think, do you ever miss me? Because i always miss you... I mean miss in other way, not your self but your gentleness... I realize i can't without you.. But i know you have your own life and not belong with me..
I think You are the one who weird believe on someone who can't be trusted.. Any you continue hear and do what they said... It make me more hurt... We almost 1 year know each other... you still not know who are truly kind or not... You are dumb or too slow? Sometime i think you are naive.. Think everything will be alright... I hope you also miss me these day.. I know it was empty hope.. But i still expect this hope... I believe the truth will reveal soon... God must have own arrangement for us... That just a little challenge..
God please make these people eyes open so they not believe on the other said... Don't care about the other just follow your heart... I already do it.. Hope you can do the same...

I know you never mean your word from the first.. The condition force you to said that... It's really hurt you know.. I already forgive you but still a little hate you... Too late is the word represent us.. Everything too late... Maybe, i already close my heart for you since long time ago... I don't know will i open it again if you knock on the door... Because i know you not deserve me... Someone who always unwilling to accept me not deserve my heart... I know sometime you also hurt when said not about me and choose i don't know.. But why must lie toward your self? Does hurt me make you happy? Your word some day ago make me more confuse... You said "already taken" and someone ask who already taken to you... You not answer it and you act like never said those word... I think that word just slip from your mouth.. You must be lock it since long time ago and not spill it out.. By this word, I know You already work hard these day doing something opposite from your heart... It's your choise not mine.. I can't change it...
And i also decided to follow my heart not my mind like you... I won't be like you... Being Untruthful... Such as coward... I won't slip any word anymore and i hope you also can do it.. If you slip some word again i think what you do these day will be useless... No one will believe on you anymore include me...

Hope me get better soon!

Signed off,
hellen195 <3

New Template

2010-05-16T16:01:00.000+08:00

hy!hy!

how does it looks?

cute?

sweet?

hahaha

of course it's pink again...

i still can't get over from pink!

hahaha

i'm a pink holic! :D

Contact Me!

2010-05-13T22:07:00.001+08:00

Have problem to in touch with me?
There is some address where you can find me..

SOCIAL NETWORK
Facebook:
www.facebook.com/hellen195lovesu

Twitter:
www.twitter.com/hellen195lovesu

Friendster:
hellen_195@yahoo.com

Ameba pico:
HeiLeeN

Mini Friday:
Emerlyn

MSN:
hellen195@msn.com

EMAIL
YAHOO:
hellen_195@yahoo.com (primary address)
kotavilen@yahoo.co.id

GMAIL:
hellen195@gmail.com

Hotmail:
i forget it because rarely use it.. Will add this later

Sanriotown:
hellen195@hellokitty.co.id

and i think i had many more email address but i already forget it.. And won't use it anymore..

Phone Number:
085652210***

note: fill the *** with 3 number i usually use in many post...

Home address:
Pasundan Street Number. **
Samarinda - Kaltim
Indonesia

You also can contact me from this blog
http://hellen195lovesu.blogspot.com/
and the other one
http://hkloveskitty.blogspot.com/

signed off,
hellen195 <3

Ameba pico

2010-05-13T21:30:00.001+08:00

Huftt!
I'm busy playing pico these day.. The reason is because wait my cafe world dish cooking.. Hahaha!
Today i meet a girl.. She props me and ask me to prop her back.. I said i already prop her.. She check on her prop list and can't find me.. She wrote i am lying.. I am not lying at all.. What i get by lying at her? Nothing! So, it's weird she said i'm lying.. Of course i get mad with her.. Write out i'm liar in front of many people... That's ruin my name... I try to control my language by said it's all up to you to believe me or not.. I'm never lie to you...
And then i go travel to another place... About 10 minute late she come to my room and ring me.. At first i think she just want to make mess with me again.. I really want to kick her out if she come just for say i'm a liar... But she come to apologize.. Of course i forgive her.. It just small mistake after all... The small mistake which can make big effect to me..
Pico maintenance today... Many people creating clan and ask me to join theirs..
I never think to join any clan cause i don't want to mess with other clan... But i might change my decision later if there's clan i'm interested with..
Hahahaha!

Signed off,
hellen195
HeiLeeN

Weekend

2010-05-09T19:41:00.001+08:00

Spending weekend at home...
Actually that's not bad too..
Playing game is the only one i can do :) ameba pico, restaurant city, cafe world, hotel city, ninja saga, and the other.. Hahahaha!
Like having carefree life.. I'm not do my task.. I want to do that but sadly i not in the mood today... I will do it tomorrow for sure :)
i have sosiology test for tomorrow... Prepare my self by read the book and some general knowledge...
Hope me have good luck on the test!

Breath in, breath out...

2010-05-07T19:23:00.001+08:00

Hahahahaha!
Finally, i can freely breathing...
It have connotation meaning not like i had asthma before... Hahahaha~ i mean, i already do my test and task one by one... Feel more relieved...

Art really suck! I'm bad on it...
Huh! What can i do for it? I dont know..

Today the chemical teacher ask our class who want to join natural class.. She ask us who interested to write down our name on a paper... I still confuse... But i think it won't hurt to write my name on it... I can change my decision anytime :)

saying truth, i still not sure which class i will attend next time... Both had good side.. If there's have language class, i will attend it...:D sadly, there's no language class.. I want to always like this time learn both nature and social...
Maybe, it just me the one who still can't let go everything.. That was precious time for me.. But i will let go everything...

Yesterday night i had weird dream again... Why i having weird dream lately? This time i dreaming about fb and my teacher...

I feel like something different these day... Someone not avoiding me but keep distance from me... Not such as weird thing but make me uncomfortable.. I'm not sure about the reason but i can guess it... Ehmm,people these day are hard to understand... Without realize i seem do the same... Keep distance to someone but not avoid them... What actually on my and they mind? Hope we can back to normal condition like before... :p
hahahaha!

Signed off,
hellen195

Everything will be allright :D

2010-05-05T18:08:00.001+08:00

4 days no post on this blog...
Wonder what's happen to me? If so thanks for care about me :)
i'm really happy to know someone care about me...
Nothing happen on these day actually, just not get the mood to write... Hahaha! :p
time really went fast..
I must decided which class i will attend next period... Natural or social? I still not hear the result of olympiad, although it's already been a week...
But after i think that's not good to hang my decision from the result of olympiad..
Some online friend suggest me to follow my heart... She is quite good to me...She is Like sister to me, really hope can meet her in real life... She always here when i need help... Support me from behind... Who is she? Sorry, i can't let you know... I promise her to not let anyone know her real identity... I won't break my promise...

Today, i really tired after back from school... And fell a sleep on sofa the place which not supposed for me to sleep :)
the weird thing is i had a dream... It's weird for me to had daylight dream...
Moreover i dreaming someone who is not supposed to dream about... Hufftt! Really weird... Saying truth, he was my love last time... It's end about some year ago... That's all because something i hardly tell you... I already move on and never think about him anymore for a years... and i think it's same too him since he already getting new crush.. Hahahaha! :p lucky me i know he is not good enough for me before we start everything..
but why i suddenly dreaming of him? I also don't know...
Maybe i'm too tired...

Stop talk about it! Everything will be allright...

Oh NO, i have a history test for tomorrow! Gotta prepare my self!

Bye
signed off,
hellen195

Chu Kou - Fahrenheit 1st Album

2010-05-01T20:43:00.000+08:00

Exit

Arron
Your eyes are red when you touched my hand lightly
“Sorry”, you said softly
My sadness hurt both of us
And made you become so good at apologizing

Jiro
Sighing, silence, plus tears and tiredness
How could it be? That love just has these leftovers

Calvin
Was it time which made us become a bit stupid?
We had happiness, but forgot about remembrance

Chun
#If I could stop my affection
Loving the happiness I felt when you were in my arms
Arron: Maybe we can stop having to wait
Waiting for you to come back to the future we promised

All
*I listened to you when you said you love me
But the feeling was so lonely
The smile only maintained for a few seconds, then it turned sour
This moment, I just want to find an exit
To leave these chaos and mess
Love or not, let’s talk about it next time

@I think you really love me
But I’m feeling very painful too
Or else, it wouldn’t have felt bitter when we kissed
Where can I find the exit to leave you?
But where else can I go after I leave?

Repeat #

I listened to you when you said you love me
But the feeling was not touched
After this hug will there be another one next time?
Who can tell me where’s the exit?
Which will let me escape
From this whirlpool which almost drowned me

Repeat *

Repeat @
END

I really want to exit everything...
But where's the exit?
i still search for the exit...
Our story already end on that day
I never think to talk about it next time..
see you only make me remember the past which i want throw away..
but i know this world so small, we will still meet...
i never avoid you, please don't make another misunderstand again..
everything already enough to make my heart bleed...

signed off,
hellen195

Good Bye April and Welcome May!

2010-04-30T20:10:00.004+08:00

First of all, i want to say happy birthday to all who have birthday on April.
Wish u always healthy, lucky, and happy....
Sorry because i not wish u happy birthday individually.
it's because i forget about your birthday... forgive me, okay?
pretty please with cherry on top... :p
hahahaha~

This month many things happen... Good and bad things are mix up...
But for me, it's mostly bad things...
I'm very tired this month and had flu and cough on the start of month...
Because the sickness i can't done my test very good...
My body really weak.... i hate this! >.<
There's also many thing on my mind this month...
Hope i can forget everything for a while...
carefree living.. i really miss the old time when i still child... Everyday is a happy day without any problems..
But the old day already gone, i still need to face the future...
The future is on my own hand,so i must prepare my self to facing the future from now.
I already decided to change become more mature. Let go the pass and start a new day...
Good bye the old me! :D let it only be a memories...
The new me, will have more self confidence, hard worker, and not quick give up...

May will be a good month to start all from first..
Hope i can do all of what i have said without big problem...
i know to change really hard and need long time..
but why not to try it?
give me one year to try it.. :)
i won't make you disappoint...
see what already changen May 2011

signed off,
hellen195

Ni Bu Hui

2010-04-30T19:52:00.003+08:00

Ni Bu Hui 你不会 You Wouldn’t
di yi ci yong wen yi qian　 wo men zhao bu dao yu yan
第一次擁吻以前　我們找不到語言
When we first kissed and embraced, we couldn't find the words

dan ting jian bi ci ling hun duo ke wang yong yuan
但聽見彼此靈魂多渴望永遠
But we heard each other's souls, how they hoped for an eternity

tie xin hou zui jiao de tian　 mo ca hou yan jiao de xian
貼心後嘴角的甜　摩擦後眼角的鹹
The sweetness on the corner of my mouth after you were considerate, the saltiness on the corner of my eye after our conflicts

yi qi　 dong ai he zhen ai de cha bie
一起　懂愛和真愛的差別
Together we understood the difference between love and true love

ni song de bei zi li mian　 hai zhuang zhe wen re gan jue
你送的杯子裡面　還裝著溫熱感覺
The cup you gave me, still holds that gentle, warm feeling

ni gei de mei ge ji nian dou pai zai chuang yan
你給的每個紀念都排在床沿
Every memory you gave me sits on at my bedside

xiang ji shi qian shou liang nian　 wei jin shi dong jing wu tian
相機是牽手兩年　圍巾是東京五天
The camera was for two years of holding hands, the scarf was for five days in Tokyo

jie zhi　 shi you ku you xiao de dao qian
戒指　是又哭又笑的道歉
The ring was for the apology that came with tears and laughs

[Chorus]
wo bu xiang xin　 ni xin zhong xian zai ta zui mei
我不相信　你心中現在她最美
I don't believe, that in your heart she's the most beautiful
ni bu hui ni bu hui ni bu hui ba wo men de ai　 cai sui
你不會你不會你不會把我們的愛　踩碎
You wouldn't, you wouldn't, you wouldn't tread and smash our love
wo bu xiang xin　 ni kou zhong hui jiang chu hou hui
我不相信　你口中會講出後悔
I don't believe, 'regret' would come from your mouth
ni bu hui ni bu hui ni bu hui bu xin teng
你不會你不會你不會不心疼
You wouldn't, you wouldn't, you wouldn't not hurt when
wo ju jue bei kan jian de lei
我拒絕被看見的淚
I refuse to let you see my tears
dang chu bei ji lie fan dui　 ni an jing que mei tuo xie
當初被激烈反對　你安靜卻沒妥協
When I intensely opposed you at the time, you were calm yet didn't compromise
dui wo geng hao lai wa jie bie ren de pian jian
對我更好來瓦解別人的偏見
You'd treat me even better to disintegrate the prejudice of others
wo sheng qi shi zong ji tian　 wo jue qiang kou bu ze yan
我生氣時總幾天　我倔強口不擇言
Whenever I was angry, it would be for a few days; I would be stubborn and say whatever it took
shi ni jin bao wo dao qing xu chen dian
是你緊抱我到情緒沉澱
It was you who would embrace me tightly until I calmed down
[Repeat Chorus]

wo bu xiang xin　 zou lai de xing fu zai tuo gui
我不相信　走來的幸福在脫軌
I don't believe, the happiness that came has derailed

ni bu hui ni bu hui ni bu hui liu can ku rang wo mian dui
你不會你不會你不會留殘酷讓我面對
You wouldn't, you wouldn't, you wouldn't leave cruelty for me to face

wo bu xiang xin　 lei ji de hui yi dou sun hui
我不相信　累積的回憶都損毀
I don't believe that the memories we built up have all been damaged

ni bu hui ni bu hui ni bu hui she de wo liu yi di xiang qi tao de lei
你不會你不會你不會捨得我流一滴像乞討的淚
You wouldn't, you wouldn't, you wouldn't, bear to see me drop a tear that seems to be begging

English translation by catalie @ http://asianfanatics.net/
Pinyin translation by kimuchi08 @ http://www.chunellafc.phpbb9.com/
Please credit the translators & http://bananaxmushroom.blospot.com

signed off,
hellen195 <3

Informatic Science Olympic

2010-04-28T14:42:00.001+08:00

Hoam...
Today, when i arrive at school one of teacher call me when he see me. He said quick prepare and go to SMP 2...
Waw! That's make me a little shock! What? SMP 2? I think i don't join the olympic because there's no annoucement from the teacher a day before... So, i don't prepare anything for it. Yesterday, i was study Catholic Religion and not informatic for sure.. But the test also canceled..

Now, let's talk about the informatic olympic..
I can do the number 1 and 2.When i try the number 3 there's a little problem.. Same with some next number... I get a little panick,why i can't get the answer... Then i search for other question i can answer... After finish the easy one i back do the hard... And at end i can answer the number 3 and some next number..
If i not wrong, i at least had answer 30 of 50 question.
Why i don't answer all of it?
Because there's rules where we get 4 point for every right answer, 0 for none answer, and -1 for wrong answer...
I'm not want taking big risk, so i just answer 30 question...
The fact is i already guessing for around 10 number... Hahahaha ^,^

i'm too stupid can't do the olympic well.. But i already try my best!
We are wait for the result now.. Hope i can go to the next degree olympic...
Pray for me, please :)

i promise if i can pass this degree olympic and go to next degree i will definitely enter the natural science class.. If not than i will go to social class happily with the other :p

i promise! You're the witness... I ever write like that

i'm tired, that's all for now..
I will continue it next time.
There's still many things about today which i not share with you :)

signed off,
hellen195

Wew! So many assignment and test!

2010-04-27T19:57:00.001+08:00

Huh!
Busy week ever!
I had chinese language and catholic religion test for tomorrow
i hate the art assignment the most..
I not feel study lately..
But i will try my best!

Signed off,
hellen195

Thanks

2010-04-26T00:23:00.001+08:00

Special Thanks to Yuakai for the follow...
Wkwkwkwk~

i need more follower :)
really happy to know someone still here read useless story...
Hahahaha!

I'm very tired now...
Today i work the art project again :'(
i'm get bored with powerpoint since i still not finish it...

There's will be olympic on wednesday... The regrency degree... But i just be the reserve for the computer olympic... It's not bad but i just want more than it :)
hope i also can participate on the competition... At least is for test my own skill which i had learn several time ago... And i'm sure without me my school still can win this stage... Pray for our school and me, okay :)? If i was choosen to join, i would try my best! I promise...So, Support me..

Night and Bye!
^,^

signed off,
hellen195

Follow This Blog!

2010-04-23T14:41:00.000+08:00

Hey!
Don't forget to follow this blog :p
hahahahaha
i don't know want to write what in this post... Just feel like writing... Although there's many thing in my head but i can't write it out...
Why? Because i don't know how to start it.... :D Hahahahahaha! Silly Me!

I know you might confuse why i suddenly often update this blog... That's because i had many thoughts in my head... No one can understand it... But at least write it out will decrease my thought... If i don't write i might get stress... Hahahahaha! I'm thinking too much lately... and after i think all of my thoughts had no function... Stupid Me!

I'm having down connection for about 1 week... I think the ISP had problem... So, i can't play game like before... It make me Focus at powerpoint... I get stress of it! Really hate talk about it now..
Hope the connection will back soon!

That's all...
Follow this blog please...
Click the follow button on the right side...

Signed off,
hellen195

No Title

2010-04-23T09:53:00.001+08:00

Huh!
I'm reading cruisin love now at class..
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cruisinglove/
But the others break my concentration...
I can't understand the story at all...
The only way is read it later at home... ^,^

bye!
Hellen195

Hope

2010-04-21T23:52:00.001+08:00

I really hope everything went fine without any trouble... But the fact is everything not good at all... If the time can return back to 1 month ago,maybe everything will be more good than now... I won't neglect the time again... But it was an impossible hope...

Yesterday, i am down... Very very down till not have spirit to stand up again... And thinked to give up this project... But i am different now... I realize if i keep look back then it won't change anything... I must get better back soon... Now, i'm get up! Ready to face everything...
And correct the mistake i had done... I won't give up that easy... Hahahaha :p you just challenging me...
I will pass it... Don't forget i still continue make the project... Just need support from the other member...

Now already late
i am going sleep...

Bye

signed off,
hellen195

HEARTBREAKER!

2010-04-20T15:07:00.001+08:00

You may wonder what's wrong with that title...
Heartbreaker mean the one who break people heart...
I'm sad right now... Do you want to know why? It definitely not like what you think... You might think it because love since heartbreak mostly mean of it... Actually, it's because someone not appreciate my(it more like ours) hard work... We already try our best... It's just problem with the time... If we had one-two week again, i'm positive we can finish our project with high marks...
Yesterday, i'm do overtime work till 01.00 a.m... And that still not done... It's impossible for me to finish it since i still need go to school today... I just recieve the 70 pages file at morning and must make the powerpoint for tomorrow...
You might think it's easy but for me it not easy as it look... Yeah, just copy paste... But do u ever think word document text size will become more larger when it move to ppt? I also never think that... Moreover, i also need to do background,slide layout,and the other...
I'm just a beginner not an expert for doing this...

But who know someone not appreciate it and torn the assistance card... It same like breaking my heart... I'm start think.... Actually,What i recieve after doing all of it? The result is none... I'm sleep late just because this... I'm not lying... U can check my fb... Yesterday i update my status before went sleep... My back,eyes,and head ached...

Why not give us one more chance? It won't hurt you...
We're really not mean to distrub your activity... We're doing what you want, ask for assistance and get 5 signature... It just not the right time when us ask for assistance... Not like we want to take your break time...

After write this long, i still broken heart deep inside...
At least you must said it slowly to us not emotionaly torn our assistance card...
It really hurt when your work not had value in front of other...

Signed off,
hellen195

New Post!

2010-04-12T13:26:00.001+08:00

I'm here for answer your question.... XP
What are you doing now?
Typing
Where are you?
School in my class XD
Where the teacher?
Not here for sure, he watch out the senior doing practice test
What do you feel?
I don't know
What on your mind?
Art task... Argh..
It's so hard for me!
Why no post these day?
Busy? Maybe, but it's more like i'm not.. I just don't feel like writing...
What you wait for now?
Back to home time
Do you have other thing to share?
I think that's already enough..

Bye!
Hellen195

New Template!

2010-04-03T17:24:00.005+08:00

Hello!Hellen still here!
I think layout from pyzam.com not working very well...
so, i decided to change it with the new one....
Do you like it??? it look more blink blink

i will changing the music soon too.. become more rocks!

signed off,,
hellen195

Weird!

2010-03-28T17:08:00.001+08:00

My blog become weird after i change some setting... My post before publish with no text at all... I'm sure i write something at the post but not appear when it publish...

Testing

2010-03-28T16:50:00.001+08:00

Back To School...

2010-03-26T18:09:00.002+08:00

Holiday end!
Tomorrow school started...
Become more busy again...
But it make me have time to modify this blog...
I'm thinking to change the layout... It has been 2 year like this and i'm getting bored...
Make it pink again??? I don't know...
Changing the layout mean remove all element... Urggghh... I hate it when must start from the first again... So, i must work hard for it...

Signed off,
hellen195

Become more Moody !

2010-03-25T18:27:00.001+08:00

Huh!
I don't know why these day i feel more moody....
Suddenly feel Sad without reason at morning, happy at afternoon, and angry at night...
It's happen since the holiday begin!
For me, It's very weird!!!
I don't like it!
Hope i back like before after the holiday end...

This blog still under construction... But i don't have enough time to do it...
I'm busy these day and only can use computer at night...
This post is from my phone...

That's all...

Signed off,
<3 hellen195 <3

Under Construction!

2010-03-23T15:58:00.001+08:00

Hhahahayy!

I want to inform you that my blog currently under construction...

Today, i feel bored and read this entire blog...
I realize that blog not good enough....

I started write this blog in english from May 2009...
And my english get better day by day... My post also become more mature and about my feel...

In the past, this blog very unorganized...
It's fun to read my post especially the one i write in mandarin pinyin... Although it's old post i still remember the feel when the post created... That time i really sad and don't let the other know my feel, so i just write in the langguage which hard to understand by other... Only me know what i write at that post... The title is "Wu Gui Mei"

this blog already accompany me for long time... Sad,happy,bored,tired,confused all mix up in this blog...
i never think to delete this blog with any reason... And I won't let the other do it... Maybe just delete some post or part that a little arrorgant...
Like saying jerk or any bad thing...
I never think i ever get mad and say jerk if i not re-read my post... And it's all because stupid reason...
After reading all, I find my self quite stupid, dumb and weird...

I also want to make some of my post to draft...
Want read the draft???
Just sign in with my account...
Here's the password: ********
hahahas! I am not that dumb let anyone know my PW... :p it just joke!

Actually, in my draft there's post about 9A that never complete and i already forget what i want to write...
9A is sweet memories ^.^
i think XD will also be another sweet memories three month later...

The rules of Hellen Private Diary still same...
You can read and comment but never talk about it to others....
Just talk to me personally if you really want to know...
If i know there's break the rules, i won't update this blog anymore and move to another site...

Thank you for all who support this blog!
I really appreciate all of yours comment...

Signed off,
<3 Hellen195lovesu

Lalalala~

2010-03-22T12:13:00.002+08:00

Long time no blogging...
I'm on holiday right now...
Because the senior having the final exam...
Wish they are good luck!

Sorry, I edit some part of this post!

What's Wrong With Me?

2010-03-04T17:55:00.001+08:00

I don't focus those days... I also don't know why... Just feel there's something wrong at my mind... Suddenly, i feel sad and a little angry from yesterday or 2 days ago... That isn't like me at all, i'm not that moody person... One thing i can think now is i was jealous these days... Just because he is have a little close conversation with any beautiful girl... Funny?? Of course it is... I also think that... I already make decision to take him only as friend but why suddenly i get mad because of him... One thing i want him to do is "Please, say it straight toward me! Don't make me more confused,ok?"

we are not have chance together... Although there's small chance, impossible for us to be together... Because there's no one start take the chance for get along... We are too selfish and egoist... Never think about the other feel and maybe also not pay attention toward our own feel... I know deep in your heart, you also hurt without no reason....
Hah! Everything not went like i wish! I must work hard to reach the happy endin!

New Month, New Spirit!

2010-03-01T14:44:00.001+08:00

Today is 1st march...
Hope this month better than the last and everything go normally... I know this month will be hard to past since we have many task and test.... 8 month we are together in one class, do many things together, having fun, stupid action, etc. I really not want we to be separate... But everything must go on... In This last 3 month i really want to make many memories.... Our love is forever... I don't want time go fast when we are together... And want time go more fast when we are not together like when we have holiday... The moment of our togetherness will always be Sweet Memories deep in my heart...

Hellen195

Not see my friend for 3 days!

2010-02-27T14:54:00.002+08:00

I hope tomorrow is monday... But it's will never happen... Tomorrow is sunday... I want the time went fast because i miss my friend... My friend sick and i don't know how he have been... Hope he is just late wake up today and not sick... I want to ask him but i don't brave enough to do it... Since he will think it to wrong and have negative thinking... Hahahaha! If it holiday i won't miss him, i just worry about his condition since i already take him as my friend who always help me whenever i need.... ^.^ what i must do now?? Ah, i know, i must pray for him... God, please make him alright and always stay beside he protetecting him from anything...

GoOd Bye!

Feel a little happy ^.^

2010-02-22T19:48:00.001+08:00

Hahaha...
Now, i already know everything... He is not avoid me at all ^^ of course it make me happy... And actually he also same toward me and my friend... Nothing special at all... We're just friend... But i can't tell you more than this because i must study for tomorrow test... Good Luck For My self!

Hellen195

Rainy Day!

2010-02-20T16:50:00.003+08:00

Yay Samarinda start raining! although i am at home but my body seem like get weaken and i start sneezing.... School will start at monday and i still not prepare for it... i will do the task tonight.. ^^ i don't know why, yesterday i feel so relieved... like everything went like i hope.... actually in my heart i think it because him... when he is avoid me i feel so sad and now i feel happy, he must no longer avoid me... but my decision still same, i will only take him as friend till the right time........ OK! that's for now! bye!

Happy Chinese New Year & Valentine Day!

2010-02-15T19:35:00.001+08:00

Happy chinese new year and valentine day!
Wish u all the best friend!

This valentine i still same like before, alone... A little sad because some reason...

Want to know the reason?
I was sad because my friends not reply my message... Stupid reason, isn't it? I also don't know why but i feel so angry...

Hellen195

What will happen tomorrow?

2010-02-12T07:47:00.000+08:00

What will happen tomorrow?
I don't know... But i feel tomorrow will have a lot difference than today....
That just my feel... :)

there's no teacher in our class now... So i can write this blog... Because, I don't like to write in another site like facebook or anything... I feel bloger is more private...
And i can write down what i feel comfortably...

The other is busy talking right now... :) i don't know why but i truly not feel like talking....... Next week i will have many exam and task again....

I wonder where're the teacher right now?

I'm tired of typing and want to stop... Do you think i must stop? Hahahaha! I think so...

So, bye!
Hellen195

Two Day before Val's Day!

2010-02-11T20:59:00.003+08:00

Hahaha! I'm wrap the gift just now! Want to know what it is? I won't tell you! It's a secret... :x

i don't know why but this year i seem like waiting for the vals day... I really hope someone willingly give me present... The private one not in class event or another event...

If he is the one give me present privately, i may be crazy because too happy! But that impossible to happen! ^.^ he doesn't have any feel towards me...

Happy vals day all!

I'm afraid if one day you are not beside me again...

2010-02-10T14:44:00.001+08:00

I remember i had promise to stop write about my feel... But i can't resist it anymore... And sorry for breaking the promise...

Today you seem different again towards me... Like avoid my eyes or not talk with me... I already think we can be friend which can have fun together but everything not go like what i think... Sometime i want to ask "What's wrong i have done to you???" but i'm not brave enough to say it out...

I hope there's will be miracle to make we became more close...

One thing i really wish is you don't avoid me and everyday have communicate with eachother...

Hellen195

5 days before Valentine!

2010-02-09T14:46:00.001+08:00

Hahahai!
Long time no see u here!
I'm really really tired of school work! If nothing happen, today i will go and cut my hair... Anyway,now already 5 day before vals day... Do you already prepare something? Don't forget me, ok! ^,^ our class make event change gifts to eachother... I hope i can change gifts with someone i like... oOPs! Keep it as secret ok? Or at least they give me something that i can make as souvenir...

I think that's all!
Bye!

Busy Week!

2010-02-02T20:49:00.000+08:00

I think in this week i will have many activities... Since my schedule was dense...
I hope i can go through all and not falling sick... In this two week i will have many test...
I have bad information for you, i think someone dislike me at my class... I don't think i had done anything wrong... Maybe just my feel...
Hope this classmate can forgive me if i do anything wrong and don't spread bad issues about me..

Afterall,
Good luck for me!

Bye!